Temporarily alone

So...I didn't want to complain to the internet about being home alone all summer because that seemed unwise and creepy, but now I can safely say that I have survived two months of Logan interning in Dallas. (Leaving me working in Waco with baby in tow).

Buddies

Somehow it went by in a blur of bottle washing, going to bed early, and pizza. So much pizza.

It dawned on me towards the end that I was feeling this nostalgic sort of independence that I haven't felt since college. Ellis was there, of course, but apart from him and Logan via phone, no one had claims on my time or attention. Even our dog was out of town.

It was interesting and strange to (almost) revert back to that independence. Even if my actions didn't differ that much, it felt different. I felt different.

This is no humble-brag; it's a confession. It's often easier to be alone.
I guess what it comes down to is that having people in your life requires something from you. Friends, family, children, anyone. Even if it's worth it, even if it is totally voluntary, even if it is barely perceptible, it takes something to not live solely for yourself.

That being said, it is wonderful not being alone. I'm so glad that Logan is back, and I hope we never have to repeat this summer's set-up again. Houses should be full of noise and movement and love. We need people to validate our existence.

I like to imagine that Logan and I will have a big, rollicking family someday. The truth is that if that's going to happen, I'm going to have to be okay with being pouring a lot of myself into people. Not in a sad, self-denying-martry-type way, but in an abundant, teeming-with-life-that-can't-be-conatined way. Something to grow into.